For Sale...

You most likely all know by now that Mom is working for a Real Estate Agent. This agent, let's call her Shawndra K. .... NO..... that's too obvious... how about S. Kirkham. Yes, the said S. Kirkham is not only mom's beloved boss, but she also was the incredibly talented negotiation queen that helped Angie and I sell our condo about a year ago. Needless to say, we were so impressed by her ability that we have been referring just about everyone we know to her for all of their Salt Lake Real Estate needs. Now someone looking at us from the outside just might stop dead in their tracks and say, "hey... wait a minute... hold on there!!! Don't you refer people because of the referral bonus she so generously gives?" And if you were to ask such a bold faced question I would say, "my sir, you have a lot of nerve." Angie and I would still refer people to her even if she had no incentive to do so. She is THAT good.

So what does this all have to do with the GCS you might ask. Well let me tell you. Shortly after referring Mom to the said S., Angie and I received a "thank-you" gift card for the referral. Later we heard that Mother Dearest was in the process of applying to work for the said S. Nearly one week had passed following her job acquisition when we received yet another "thank you" package in the mail. On the outside of the box was a handwritten note from the said S. thanking us for referring the said M..... sorry, forgot whose identity I was protecting, thanking us for referring Mom to her.

At the time we received the box I didn't think ill of the notion in the least bit. I thought to myself, "boy the said S. must be elated to have met Mom." Upon placing that final period at the end of my thought, a deep rooted feeling of dread began to grip my soul. Like a lethal plume of noxious gas, the air in the box shot out and surrounded my entire head. I found myself staring into the eyes of the dreaded GCS. I knew I didn't have much time so I quickly forced my eyes closed and ripped my head to the side in order to pull myself out of it's treacherous grasp. As I did so, a chuckle emanated from the deceptive confines of that sweet woman's box. I quickly resealed the box and placed it back on the table the way I found it. For the rest of the afternoon my soul ached for the said S. It had become apparent that she had fallen pray to the siren songs of the GCS and all of its bitterly wonderful opportunities. "This device of Satan must be stopped!!! How many more innocent bystanders must be dragged down by its corrupting grasp?"

And then Angie came home....... ......... .......and..... ...... ......... I don't know what came over me...... but ..... ...... ...... I let her open the box without warning. She shrieked, twisted, and writhed with painful anguish. Curses began to descend against the loathed GCS. She stashed it back in the box and rushed over to me and got right in my face and said, "I need answers!!! Keep it secret. Keep it safe." (LOTR reference in case you were wondering) and she headed down the hall to sanitize her hands.

As I stood there I felt a void beginning to consume my mind. It was a familiar place, one that emanates from the GCS and the GCS alone. I stood there in the middle of that empty, dead space wondering what to do or where to go next. As I searchingly stared off into the darkness, a light came on directly above my head. Slowly my eyes began to adjust to the new illumination which eventually began bringing 2 figures into focus. I immediately recognized the crooked smile of the GCS as it lay there hoping to be loved once again... It was horrifyingly beautiful and absolutely dreadful at the same time. And just as if someone had hit the rewind button on this bizarre vision, each of the characters began rapidly moving backwards for what seemed like 2 or 3 minutes. I stood there watching in reverse sequence the events that led the GCS out of my possession and into the possession of another. The clarity was remarkable and finished almost as fast as it began. And there I was..... back in my living room with Abby pulling at my leg hairs and listening to the pipes knock around in the wall as Angie turned off the water. A smile crept upon my face and I called out to Angie, "Hey dear..... I think I have an idea..."


And now the wheels are in motion.......